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Thread: -=Xploitz=- 1 week vacation.

  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by spankdidly View Post
    Do NOT do a rapidshare. I cannot STAND for rapidshare. Eff, put them on floppies! Floppies would be better than stupid rapidshare.
    Hell...Compressed I think its only 200MB.....
    [CENTER][FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=5][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Courier New][COLOR=red]--=[/COLOR][/FONT]Xploitz[FONT=Courier New][COLOR=red]=--[/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR][/B][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][COLOR=Black][SIZE=6][B] ®[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]
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  2. #32
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    Default Explain this then Texas boy

    Dumb Texas Laws
    # When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
    # A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
    # It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
    # You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
    # It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
    # It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
    # It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
    # A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
    # It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
    # The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.



    TEXAS JOKE:
    A Texan dies and goes to hell. While down there the devil notices that the Texan is not suffering like the rest He checks the gauges and sees that it's 100 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the Texan and asks why he's so happy. The Texan says, "I really like it here. The temperature is just like Dallas in June."

    The devil isn't happy with the Texan's answer and decides to fix him, so he goes over and turns up the thermostat to 120 degrees and the humidity to 90%. After turning everything up he goes looking for the Texan. He finds him standing around unbuttoning his shirt, just as happy as can be. The devil quizzes the Texan again as to why he's so happy. The Texan says, "This is even better. It's like Houston in July."

    The devil, now really upset, decides to make the Texan really understand that hell is no paradise. He walks over to the controls and turns the heat up to 140 degrees and the humidity to 100%. "Now let's see what the Texan is up to," he thinks. So he goes looking for the Texan. The devil finds the Texan taking his shirt off basking in the heat, even happier than before. The devil can't figure it out. He asks the Texan why he's happy now. The Texan replies, "This is great, it's just like Brownsville in August."

    The devil says, "That's it, I'll get this guy." He walks over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees below zero. "Now let's see what the Texan has to say about this," the devil thinks to himself. He looks around and finds the Texan jumping up and down for joy. "What are you so happy about now," asks the devil. Still excited, the Texan replies, "The Rangers have finally won the World Series!"

  3. #33
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    lol..... too funny.
    I felt like bending the bars back, and ripping out the window frames and eating them. yes, eating them! Leaping, leaping, leaping! Colonics for everyone! All right! You dumb*sses. I'm a mental patient. I'm *supposed* to act out!

  4. #34
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    Allow me to explain...lol

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    Dumb Texas Laws
    # When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
    Common Texan courtesy..duh!!

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
    Wait, doesn't the starbucks in Kentucky in your town have this SAME law...Yep!! it does!!

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
    Well c'mon!!! If it takes more than 3 sips to drink a beer, your a wuss and need to be arrested for impersonating a woman!!


    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
    Yep...I made this mistake...and her dad said I courted her 2 long!!

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
    I'm pretty sure that only implies to motorcycles.

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
    Thats because its not fair if you aren't on the same level of the buffalo. We have to give them a sporting chance.

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
    If anyone tries to milk my Betsy but me,....theres gonna be trouble. No one milks my wife but me!!

    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
    This way they can rule out terrorism threats that are bogus. Imagine a world full of of fake death threats with no written proof of who sent it....


    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
    Yea, thats because the police get offended when you don't share your home-made hooch with them.


    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    # The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
    See my above quote..lol



    Quote Originally Posted by pureh@te View Post
    TEXAS JOKE:
    A Texan dies and goes to hell. While down there the devil notices that the Texan is not suffering like the rest He checks the gauges and sees that it's 100 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the Texan and asks why he's so happy. The Texan says, "I really like it here. The temperature is just like Dallas in June."

    The devil isn't happy with the Texan's answer and decides to fix him, so he goes over and turns up the thermostat to 120 degrees and the humidity to 90%. After turning everything up he goes looking for the Texan. He finds him standing around unbuttoning his shirt, just as happy as can be. The devil quizzes the Texan again as to why he's so happy. The Texan says, "This is even better. It's like Houston in July."

    The devil, now really upset, decides to make the Texan really understand that hell is no paradise. He walks over to the controls and turns the heat up to 140 degrees and the humidity to 100%. "Now let's see what the Texan is up to," he thinks. So he goes looking for the Texan. The devil finds the Texan taking his shirt off basking in the heat, even happier than before. The devil can't figure it out. He asks the Texan why he's happy now. The Texan replies, "This is great, it's just like Brownsville in August."

    The devil says, "That's it, I'll get this guy." He walks over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees below zero. "Now let's see what the Texan has to say about this," the devil thinks to himself. He looks around and finds the Texan jumping up and down for joy. "What are you so happy about now," asks the devil. Still excited, the Texan replies, "The Rangers have finally won the World Series!"

    Well...the Texan did make hell freeze over.


    BTW..in the spirit of humor between friends.....


    Q. Why isn't the show CSI in Kentucky?

    A. Because Kentuckians have no teeth and all have the same DNA.



    Q: What do they call a good-looking, intelligent female in Kentucky?

    A: A Tourist.

    Q. How can you tell if a Kentuckian is married?

    A. There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.



    REAL Laws in Kentucky!!!!!!>>>>>

    Dumb Kentucky Laws


    Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436.140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974)

    No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)

    No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)

    Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).

    It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.

    It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.

    All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the

    apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)

    Lexington

    It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

    By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."

    Owensboro

    A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission.









    Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names


    STATE OF KENTUCKY RESIDENCY APPLICATION


    Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
    (last) (_) Billy-Joe
    (_) Billy-Ray
    (_) Billy-Sue
    (_) Billy-Mae
    (_) Billy-Jack
    (Check appropriate box)

    Age: ____
    Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
    Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right


    Occupation:
    (_) Farmer
    (_) Mechanic
    (_) Hair Dresser
    (_) Un-employed


    Spouse's Name: __________________________

    Relationship with spouse:
    (_) Sister
    (_) Brother
    (_) Aunt
    (_) Uncle
    (_) Cousin
    (_) Mother
    (_) Father
    (_) Son
    (_) Daughter
    (_) Pet


    Number of children living in household: ___

    Number that are yours: ___

    Mother's Name: _______________________

    Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)


    Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

    Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

    __ Total number of vehicles you own
    __ Number of vehicles that still crank
    __ Number of vehicles in front yard
    __ Number of vehicles in back yard
    __ Number of vehicles on cement blocks


    Firearms you own and where you keep them:
    ____ truck
    ____ bedroom
    ____ bathroom
    ____ kitchen
    ____ shed


    Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_


    Do you have a gun rack?
    (_) Yes (_) No; please explain:


    Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
    (_) The National Enquirer
    (_) The Globe
    (_) TV Guide
    (_) Soap Opera Digest
    (_) Rifle and Shotgun


    ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

    ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

    ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO


    How often do you bathe:
    (_)Weekly
    (_)Monthly
    (_)Not Applicable


    Color of teeth:
    (_)Yellow
    (_)Brownish-Yellow
    (_)Brown
    (_)Black
    (_)N/A


    Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
    (_)Red-Man


    How far is your home from a paved road?
    (_)1 mile
    (_)2 miles
    (_)don't know



    Boo-Ya!!!

    Now what??


    [CENTER][FONT=Book Antiqua][SIZE=5][B][COLOR=blue][FONT=Courier New][COLOR=red]--=[/COLOR][/FONT]Xploitz[FONT=Courier New][COLOR=red]=--[/COLOR][/FONT][/COLOR][/B][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Courier New][COLOR=Black][SIZE=6][B] ®[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT][/CENTER]
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  5. #35
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    Hahaha omg this sh*t is funny!!!
    I felt like bending the bars back, and ripping out the window frames and eating them. yes, eating them! Leaping, leaping, leaping! Colonics for everyone! All right! You dumb*sses. I'm a mental patient. I'm *supposed* to act out!

  6. #36
    My life is this forum Barry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -=Xploitz=- View Post
    Minnesota was - 7 degrees at times...and tons of snow..so much...that I didn't get to go to Canada!!! ....
    Well while you were gone it made it down to -44F, so I guess it's a good thing you didn't make it to Canada.
    Of course, if you really wanted to have some fun, go to Wal-Mart late at night and ask the greeter if they could help you find trashbags, roll of carpet, rope, quicklime, clorox and a shovel. See if they give you any strange looks. --Streaker69

  7. #37
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    -=Xploitz=- after 3 sips


    -=Xploitz=- headed to Minnesota.


    Common Texas sign


    Texas wind chimes


    Texas cops


    -=Xploitz=-'s house


    Only in Texas do the have a steer wash.

    Rules To Enter Texas Learn 'em & remember 'em.


    1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

    2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

    3. They are pigs, cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 & I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north & south. Pick one.

    4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're not impressed. We have quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

    5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

    6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

    7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

    8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

    9. We open doors for women. That is applied to everyone, regardless of age.

    10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's salad & pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

    11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, & breads. We use 3 spices ... salt, pepper, & Pace's Picante Sauce.

    12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck & have long hair.

    13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers & the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

    14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards, it spooks the fish.

    15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an education & a love for God & country, & they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

    16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines & Air Force than any other state, so "Don't Mess With Texas." If you do, it will get your butt whipped.

    17. Also, remember what our great Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas."

    GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!

  8. #38
    My life is this forum Barry's Avatar
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    Texas is a nice little state. You know, only two things come out of Texas.



    Steers and .....














































    Mexicans!
    Of course, if you really wanted to have some fun, go to Wal-Mart late at night and ask the greeter if they could help you find trashbags, roll of carpet, rope, quicklime, clorox and a shovel. See if they give you any strange looks. --Streaker69

  9. #39
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    No comment.
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  10. #40
    My life is this forum Barry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -=Xploitz=- View Post
    No comment.
    I just think it's funny that our Lowes is bi-lingual. All the signs is in English and Spanish. If they wanted to do it right is should have been English and Russian.
    Of course, if you really wanted to have some fun, go to Wal-Mart late at night and ask the greeter if they could help you find trashbags, roll of carpet, rope, quicklime, clorox and a shovel. See if they give you any strange looks. --Streaker69

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