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Thread: Funny Stuff

  1. #231
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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    From a new book available on amazon.
    Enjoy.

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: getting laid

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
    attorney?

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
    people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?*
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.*
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    And the best for last:
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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  2. #232
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    Tips for Cyber Security from US Government, have a look at the 2nd last tip...


  3. #233
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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    Nice BOFH139 Nice!
    To be successful here you should read all of the following.
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  4. #234
    Just burned his ISO
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    Talking Hitler/Gates Video

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    Holy cow, that was brilliant.
    How the world would be different with a PSOD!
    I hope Bill saw that.

    Best line: "I never liked that freaking penguin.."
    It's the journey, not the destination that matters.

  5. #235
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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    To be successful here you should read all of the following.
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    Back|Track Wiki
    Failure to do so will probably get your threads deleted or worse.

  6. #236
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    SecurityTube has two new sections. Questions & News

  7. #237
    Senior Member SephStorm's Avatar
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    ROFLMFAO. Classic.
    "You're only smoke and mirrors..."

  8. #238

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    in my countless hours idolizing chris paget, i found this.

    YouTube - Chris Paget Fox News Appearance 07/15/09

    skip ahead to about 2:30 and see the awesomeness that is fox news under chris's name :P
    Until they become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious...

  9. #239
    Member Dissident85's Avatar
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    Being borderline obsessed on finding better ways to encrypt my laptops. I found this really funny


  10. #240
    Senior Member SephStorm's Avatar
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    "You're only smoke and mirrors..."

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