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Thread: Funny Stuff

  1. #221
    My life is this forum Barry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by streaker69 View Post
    This is why spell checkers shouldn't be the end all be all of checking people's work.





    I'm not exactly sure what I should do when I start this car.
    I believe that light is in police cruisers. It's to let them know their shotgun lock isn't all the way closed.
    Of course, if you really wanted to have some fun, go to Wal-Mart late at night and ask the greeter if they could help you find trashbags, roll of carpet, rope, quicklime, clorox and a shovel. See if they give you any strange looks. --Streaker69

  2. #222
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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    A huge potential time killer.
    Some of you may have seen this page, others have seen and dealt with such things that the page contains.
    To wit:
    * Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
    * Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
    * Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
    * Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"
    Or
    Customer: "How long is a 14 foot ethernet cable?"
    To be successful here you should read all of the following.
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  3. #223
    Senior Member streaker69's Avatar
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    For those of you that attended theprez98's talk at Shmoo on encryption, you'll appreciate this one.

    A third party security audit is the IT equivalent of a colonoscopy. It's long, intrusive, very uncomfortable, and when it's done, you'll have seen things you really didn't want to see, and you'll never forget that you've had one.

  4. #224
    My life is this forum Barry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by streaker69 View Post
    For those of you that attended theprez98's talk at Shmoo on encryption, you'll appreciate this one.
    Heh, that is funny.
    Of course, if you really wanted to have some fun, go to Wal-Mart late at night and ask the greeter if they could help you find trashbags, roll of carpet, rope, quicklime, clorox and a shovel. See if they give you any strange looks. --Streaker69

  5. #225
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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  6. #226
    Member floyd's Avatar
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    One day a Novice came to the Master.
    "Master," he said, "How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?".
    The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?" the Master asked.
    "No," replied the Novice. The Master sent the Novice on a quest to the Store of Software.

    Many hours later the Novice returned.
    "Master," he said, "How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?".
    The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?" the Master asked.
    "Yes," replied the Novice.
    The Master frowned at the Novice.
    "You have a Compiler of Source. What now can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?".
    The Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Compiler of Source to the Master.
    "How is this used?" asked the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?" the Master asked.
    "No," replied the Novice.
    The Master instructed the Novice as to where he could find the Manual of Operation.

    Many days later the Novice returned.
    "Master," he said, "How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?".
    The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code?" the Master asked.
    "Yes," replied the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Manual of Operation?" the Master asked.
    "Yes," replied the Novice.
    The Master frowned at the Novice.
    "You have a Compiler of Source, and a Manual of Operation. What now can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?".

    At this the Novice fidgeted nervously and presented his Manual of Operations to the Master.
    "How is this used?" asked the Novice.
    The Master closed his eyes, and heaved a great sigh.
    The Master sent the Novice on a quest to the School of Elementary.

    Many years later the Novice returned.
    "Master," he said, "How is it that I may become a Writer of Programs?".
    The Master looked solemnly at the Novice.
    "Have you in your possession a Compiler of Source Code, a Manual of Operation and an Education of Elementary?" the Master asked.
    "Yes," replied the Novice.
    The Master frowned at the Novice.
    "What then can prevent you from becoming a Writer of Programs?".

    The Novice fidgeted nervously. He looked around but could find nothing to present to the Master.
    The Master smiled at the Novice.
    "I see what problem plagues you." said the Master.
    "Oh great master, please tell me." asked the Novice.

    The Master turned the Novice toward the door, and with a supportive hand on his shoulder said, "Go young Novice, and Read The ****ing Manual." And so the Novice became enlightened.
    Auswaertsspiel

  7. #227
    Junior Member Jac01's Avatar
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    In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
    -John C. Dvorak

    DiggThis-09-f9-11-02-9d-74-e3-5b-d8-41-56-c5-63-56-88-c0

  8. #228
    Super Moderator Archangel-Amael's Avatar
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    Kind of sad on one hand but funny none-the-less.
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  9. #229
    Just burned his ISO imported_gr8gorilla's Avatar
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    Default Lamest Phishing Attempt from Skype....

    [5:23:53 AM] ngwkee939: Bank of East Asia Ltd.
    The Bank of East Asia Building
    137 Market Street, Singapore 048943
    Reply to E-mail ID: nwgkee579@yahoo.com.sg


    We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of $38.900, 000.00 (Thirty-Eight Million Nine Hundred Thousand United States dollars) of a deceased who may relate to you (perhaps) in Singapore died five years ago in Tsunami tragedy in Indonesia (name withheld for security reason) who died intestate with no Will or Next of Kin. To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details.

    I contacted you because you bear the same LAST NAME identity and therefore can present you as the (Next of Kin) to the inheritance claim. I therefore reckoned that you can receive these funds as you are qualified by your last name identity.


    I urge you to come forward since I can provide you with the details needed for you to claim the estate/capital so that we can be gratify by you, in this way USD$11.670,000.00 for you and USD$23.340,000.00 for us and the remaining $3.890,000.00 for miscellaneous expenses incurred during the cost of this project though my colleagues and I will do all the crucial part in the bank to have the inheritance claim release to you promptly.

    All the legal papers will be processed in your acceptance of this mutual beneficial project, I hereby requested that you kindly forward to my private email (nwgkee579@yahoo.com.sg) a letter of acceptance; your full name, current telephone and fax numbers, passport and your home address to enable us prepare the necessary bank papers to effect the quick release of the inheritance funds to your nominated bank account

    I wait in anticipation for your fullest cooperation.

    Sincerely,

    Ng Wing Kee

    Just thought I would share this very weak attempt at garnering personal information from a very inept "phisher" on Skype.

    Anyone who wishes to claim the "millions" is welcome to respond, I am sure there is someone who passed away with your last name too!

  10. #230
    Senior Member SephStorm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by archangel.amael View Post
    A huge potential time killer.
    Some of you may have seen this page, others have seen and dealt with such things that the page contains.
    To wit:
    * Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
    * Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
    * Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
    * Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"
    Or
    Customer: "How long is a 14 foot ethernet cable?"
    Lol, I love computer stupidities.
    "You're only smoke and mirrors..."

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