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Thread: new humor thread

  1. #1
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    Default new humor thread

    101 Things you do NOT want your System Administrator to say.

    1. Uh-oh.....
    2. Shit!!
    3. What the hell!?
    4. Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
    5. That's SOOOOO bizarre.
    6. Wow!! Look at this.....
    7. Hey!! The suns don't do this.
    8. Terminated??!
    9. What software license?
    10. Well, it's doing something.....
    11. Wow....that seemed fast.....
    12. I got a better job at Lockheed...
    13. Management says...
    14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgetted.
    15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
    16. It didn't do that a minute ago...
    17. Where's the GUI on this thing?
    18. Damn, and I just bought that pop...
    19. Where's the DIR command?
    20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
    21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
    22. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
    23. Do you smell something?
    24. What's that grinding sound?
    25. I have never seen it do *that* before...
    26. I think it should not be doing that...
    27. I remember the last time I saw it do that...
    28. You might as well all go home early today ...
    29. My leave starts tomorrow.
    30. Ooops.
    31. Hmm, maybe if I do this...
    32. "Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?"
    33. Hmmm, curious...
    34. Well, my files were backed up.
    35. What do you mean you needed that directory?
    36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
    37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
    38. Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
    39. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
    40. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
    41. We're standardizing on AIX.
    42. Wonder what this command does?
    43. What did you say your (l)user name was...? ;-)
    44. You did what to the floppy???
    45. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
    46. NO! Not that button!
    47. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
    48. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
    49. [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
    50. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
    51. YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
    52. What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
    53. What's this switch for anyways...?
    54. Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
    55. Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
    56. If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
    57. Was that your directory?
    58. System coming down in 0 min....
    59. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
    60. Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
    61. OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
    62. The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
    63. It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a monday afternoon.)
    64. I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
    65. What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
    66. I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
    67. Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
    68. The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
    69. Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
    70. Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
    71. I hate it when that happens.
    72. And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
    73. Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
    74. Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
    75. You can do this patch with the system up...
    76. What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
    77. The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
    78. Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
    79. What do mean by "fired"?
    80. hey, what does mkfs do?
    81. where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
    82. ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
    83. don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
    84. what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
    85. dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
    86. find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
    87. now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
    88. Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
    89. Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
    90. SMIT makes it all so much easier......
    91. Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
    92. I don't care what he says, I'm not having it on my network
    93. We don't support that. We won't support that.
    94. ...and after I patched the microcode...
    95. You've got TECO. What more do you want?
    96. We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
    97. Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...

  2. #2
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    Thumbs up

    9. What software license?

    lol..yes..we definitely need a humor thread..and a Brewski thread or 2 as well.
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  3. #3
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    The 12 steps for getting away from Win95 and other MS products.

    1. We admitted we were powerless over Microsoft - that our computers had become unmanageable.

    2. Came to believe that an Operating System greater than Microsoft's could restore our computers to sanity

    3. Made a decistion to turn our computers over to the care of this new Operating System.

    4. Made a searching system inventory of our computers

    5. Admitted to the computer, to ourselves and to another person the exact nature of our bad OS.

    6. Were entirely ready to have the superior OS remove all defects of the old one.

    7. Humbly asked it to remove Win95's shortcomings.

    8. Made a list of all the computers we harmed with MS products and became willing to make amends to them all.

    9. Immediately remove such products from such computers wherever possible.

    10. Continued to take an inventory of the system and when we installed MS prodcuts we promptly admitted it and removed them.

    11. Sought through study and reading of FAQ's, HOWTO's and Newsgroups to improve our contact with the superior OS, as we understood it.

    12. Having had a computer awakening as the results of these steps we tried to carry this message to Win95 users and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

    Disclaimer:
    This document is not meant to poke fun at 12 step programs, nor to poke fun at people who use them. Please do not be offended by this document as it is meant entirely in fun.

  4. #4
    Senior Member shamanvirtuel's Avatar
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    LOOOOOOOL !!!!!!!!!
    nice thread.....
    Watch your back, your packetz will belong to me soon... xD

    BackTrack :
    Giving Machine Guns to Monkeys since 2006

  5. #5
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    Future MS keyboard.

    Im bored and having alot of fun with these jokes obviously

    windows releases bug list

    security porn


    ms new world order

  6. #6
    Just burned his ISO
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    Hahah nice post.

  7. #7

    Default this rocks!

    I have not laughed this hard in a long time! Thank you for posting this defiantly helping me relax from hectic summer semester.

    keep them coming!
    -free
    15" MBP 8 gigs o ram 256 gig SSD in drivebay + 256 gig 5400 HD
    1000HE EEE 30 gig SSD 2 gigs Ram

  8. #8
    Junior Member kurt_kabayan's Avatar
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    wuakakakakakak this thread is so funny hehehehe
    Th4n|<$ B3 4
    Kurt_Kabayan
    noobies backtrack community :D

  9. #9
    Jenkem Addict imported_wyze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by purehate View Post
    The 12 steps for getting away from Win95 and other MS products.
    I think this custom bootscreen I made says it all:

    dd if=/dev/swc666 of=/dev/wyze

  10. #10
    Just burned his ISO kunseh's Avatar
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    Default Here's one from me..!!!

    If programming languages were cars...



    * C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

    * C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

    * Java is a family station wagon. It's easy to drive, it's not too fast, and you can't hurt yourself.

    * C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you're never allowed to use the competitors' products again.

    * Ocaml is a very sexy European car. It's not quite as fast as C, but it never breaks down, so you end up going further in less time. However, because it's French, none of the controls are in the usual places.

    * Haskell is an incredibly elegantly-designed and beautiful car, which is rumored to be able to drive over extremely strange terrain. The one time you tried to drive it, it didn't actually drive along the road; instead, it made copies of itself and the road, with each successive copy of the road having the car a little further along. It's supposed to be possible to drive it in a more conventional way, but you don't know enough math to figure out how.

    [Monadic version:]

    * Haskell is not really a car; it's an abstract machine in which you give a detailed description of what the process of driving would be like if you were to do it. You have to put the abstract machine inside another (concrete) machine in order to actually do any driving. You're not supposed to ask how the concrete machine works. There is also a way to take multiple abstract machines and make a single abstract machine, which you can then give to the concrete machine to make multiple trips one after another.

    * Lisp looks like a car, but with enough tweaking you can turn it into a pretty effective airplane or submarine.

    * Prolog is fully automatic: you tell it what your destination looks like, and it does all the driving for you. [Addendum from Paul Graham:] However, the effort required to specify most destinations is equivalent to the effort of driving there.

    * Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver's manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won't be able to drive anyone else's.

    * Python is a great beginner's car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

    * Smalltalk is a small car originally designed for people who were just learning to drive, but it was designed so well that even experienced drivers enjoy riding in it. It doesn't drive very fast, but you can take apart any part of it and change it to make it more like what you wanted it to be. One oddity is that you don't actually drive it; you send it a message asking it to go somewhere and it either does or tells you that it didn't understand what you were asking.

    * Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

    * Erlang is a fleet of cars that all cooperate to get you where you want to go. It takes practice to be able to drive with one foot in each of several cars, but once you learn how you can drive over terrain that would be very hard to navigate any other way. In addition, because you're using so many cars, it doesn't matter if a few of them break down.

    * Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it'll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

    * Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

    * Forth is a car you build yourself from a kit. Your car doesn't have to look or behave like anyone else's car. However, a Forth car will only go backwards.

    * Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it's running, but if you're careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

    * Eiffel is a car that includes a built-in driving instructor with a French accent. He will help you quickly identify and learn from your mistakes, but don't you dare argue with him or he'll insult you and throw you out of the car. [From Daniel Prager with some embellishments]



    Source: http://www.cs.caltech.edu/~mvanier/h...ants/cars.html

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